Update

   


     

     I've been under severe spiritual attack ever since I got back from St. George. Satan knows that there is nothing holding me back from being what God wants me to be, so he's throwing everything in my face. Every sin that I've had to work on, every trial I've been through, even my health. I've been fighting my depression with everything I have, but it's still extremely difficult. I have God on my side, though. So I know I'll be okay. Even with all of my fears that I may trip up, or sin, I know I'm forgiven. Red. Jesus' blood. The ransom for all of my sins, making my soul as white as snow. 

I know it'll be okay.

Necessary Evil - Money

     When man first began to "buy" things, they would barter. They would trade a chicken or tobacco or some other good for some good or service. Isn't it a bit crazy how much we value this green mixture of paper and cloth fibers? Money is often the root of all greed and can cause some Christians to stray from Christ. Christ is all we need. Period. It makes me so angry how "important" money is these days. We spend our lives focused around money. We get an education so we can get a better job to earn more money. Then we save up the money for our children. Money, money, money!
     My family doesn't have a lot of money. We have endless love and compassion for others, but in this world, that means almost nothing. People like us are usually the ones who fall through the cracks in America. I'm not trying to be all "woe is me" about it, but when we have to go days at a time without have any food... I think it is worthy of being addressed. 
     I don't know where I was going with this post. I don't want pity, but it is pretty sad how something like a $5 lanyard can put us in debt... Whereas it doesn't make a dent in any other family's credit.

College?

     I am internally screaming right now as I look at all of the things I need to pack for college. It turns out I was accepted into my dream college the same day we headed off to St. George. I praise God that I was accepted to this college, and I'm beyond blessed that it is free. I didn't even turn in my application. Evidently one of the administrators I had been talking to put me on an automatic acceptance list. Wow God. Wow God. Wow God... Every six weeks is spent four in the classroom and two out doing mission work. PERFECT for what I want to do. Everyone there is so kind. So why am I so afraid?
     Does God want me to start the same time as everyone else? Is Satan trying to get a foothold to make me doubt myself? This is just beyond overwhelming. I need to spend some time with God and speak to Him and have Him settle my soul.
     For those who don't know, I was originally going to take a semester to a year off to work with my church to find out if mission work is what God really wants me to be doing. The admissions office said I can take a semester off if I need to. For some reason God really put me on their hearts. But I just don't feel right taking time off now.
     If you are reading this, I ask that you please, please, please pray for me. I don't like asking for prayer but this situation is giving me a panic attack. Am I ready for college?

Thank you and God bless.♥

Rise from the Ashes

     The phoenix. A bird of fire, born and re-born from its own ashes. It is a symbol of re-birth for those who have made mistakes in life, but are ready to turn it around. 
     I've had clinical depression for around seven years and I've had trouble with self-harm for around four years. Three years ago, Christ came into my heart and completely transformed me. The phoenix has a deep meaning to me. It has a deeper meaning than I can even describe. I've wanted to get this picture tattooed at the base of my neck for around a year now, but I know the stigma that comes with tattoos. 
     Because of Christ, I am new. Because of Christ, I have been re-born. Glory be to God, I am alive. I cannot share in one post how the Lord has changed me, but I hope to explain how Christ has changed me over time.